Balance

When I look at my life--what I remember of it anyway--it seems hopelessly out of balance. Like a 3D pendulum with many many points, it is like my energy and efforts are directed at one area to the detriment of all others. I'm a mom, but my work and friendships and marriage and personal interests appear to go neglected. I'm a business owner, but then I feel like I'm being a "bad mom." (Even though my parenting is 180° from what I grew up with.) I keep the house spotless but nothing else gets done.

Can you see where I'm going with this?

Everyone in my life (outside) says differently. They ask me occasionally how I do it all: kids, husband, work, house, yard, pets, friends, volunteering, etc. I joke that I don't sleep. But deep down, I wonder how it is that they don't see what I see so clearly: I'm failing at everything.

And then yesterday I got an email from an acquaintance who makes a decent living as a business coach for business owners, particularly those who work from home, and especially particularly those who are also dealing with other life challenges like ADHD, OCD, and other anxieties. It kind of seemed like a match made in heaven.

So, the email. The email was talking about self-fulfilling prophecies. Like, if you think that you're terrible at marketing your business, you tend to shy away from it, thus your business doesn't grow, thus you come to the conclusion it's because you're terrible at marketing. I actually know I'm not terrible at marketing, but it's not my favorite topic. And because of recurring, sometimes debilitating PTSD, depression, anxiety, and of course the fact that I can't guarantee someone will be out who knows how to run the business, I shy away from phone and face-to-face contact.

But back to the email. I started thinking of this same kind of thinking in terms of balance. I've said for years that I'm terrible at balancing all these things in my life. But what if the very thought that I'm "unbalanced" leads me to feel like I'm out of balance?

What if (gasp!) all these other people are right? What if I (well, we) am actually a really good balancer? What if in spite of--or perhaps because of my DID, I'm doing a great job?

It's something to think about.

~Shea