Fear of success

Years ago, we started our own business because we wanted to work, to be productive and creative, but we needed the flexibility to work around bouts of debilitating depression, anxiety, PTSD and of course dissociating. We worked part-time, taking time where we needed to. It was good, but not really a means of creating income.

In the past 18 months, everything has changed. Business has grown a mind-boggling 300%. I am planning work projects into 2013. My business is officially now known internationally. This is great. But it's also frightening. It means we have to work harder than ever before on balance, a topic we wrote about earlier.

Tomorrow I'm being interviewed. I fear coming across as a neophyte, a scatter-brained know-nothing, an incompetent fraud. Trying to find that capable, successful perspective inside is really, really hard. It's so easy to put myself down. After all, I learned from the best. (Note heavy sarcasm here.)

I can't work just whenever I want to, like I did even a year or two ago. I have to set, and keep, structured business house. I have to keep it together. We have to work together like we never have before. We have the opportunity to be successful beyond our wildest dreams (note that success does not necessarily mean "rich" except perhaps in experience and wisdom). And perhaps it is that opportunity that has us scared.

We also must remember that we are not alone. We have colleagues who are wonderfully supportive and happy to help others succeed. We have IRL friends. We have our husband and children, our faith community, and vast resources through the Internet.

And on a spiritual level, we have support as well. But that will have to wait for another post.